AU fun

[coyotegoth]

1) Philosopher's Stone- Immediately after Sirius is captured by the Aurors, from when he was laughing maniacally in the street following his duel with Peter, someone thinks of casting Priori Incantatem on Sirius' wand. What- no Avada Kedavra cast recently? Sirius is freed (and he and Remus go on to live out sam_storyteller’s Stealing Harry, one of my favorite AU fics ever). Fudge, deprived of the glory of sending the Potters’ assassin to Azkaban, sulks for the rest of the day, then blocks his hat spitefully.

2) Chamber of Secrets- just as the Board of Governors is deciding whether or not to have Hagrid sent to Azkaban as a result of that whole kerfuffle involving the Chamber of Secrets being re-opened, Dumbledore bursts in and says words to the effect of, “Hey, wouldn’t it be awesome if we didn’t repeat the idiocy of sending Hagrid to Azkaban... particularly since we did so the first time solely on the testimony of the young Lord Voldemort himself?” An investigation follows; Fudge and Lucius Malfoy wind up sharing a cell in Azkaban; hilarity ensues.

3) Prisoner of Azkaban- Dumbledore manages to persuade Snape not to reveal Remus’s nature as a werewolf at the end of PoA, and Lupin stays on at Hogwarts as DADA teacher for the next four years. Snape, although understandably bitter about having yet another disappointment to do with the Marauders, grudgingly comes to respect Lupin, and even to appreciate his company (I actually do think they might have had quite a bit to say to each other, had circumstances been different); however, Sirius Black is encouraged to keep a wide distance.

4) Goblet of Fire- Mad-Eye Moody catches Barty Crouch Jr. unawares, rather than the reverse; although Moody isn’t needed for the DADA post at Hogwarts (Lupin has it), Dumbledore & co. are now that much more forewarned, and Cedric Diggory lives, to become a leading light in the Order of the Phoenix. (Although the whole Pettigrew/Voldemort/Harry thingiela may still have to happen somehow, so that Voldy still has some of Harry's blood in his body).

5) Order of the Phoenix- With Remus ensconced as DADA teacher, Umbridge isn’t needed at Hogwarts. In fact, since the Order have been keeping that much more of an eye out on Harry, her scheme re. Dementors is found out and foiled by Moody, and she is sent to Azkaban, where she constantly “hem”s for attention from Malfoy and Fudge, who share the cell across the way. They, however, are too busy bickering about Malfoy’s hyperfastidious neatness and Fudge’s slovenly ways- not to mention Lucius's strange honking noises, and Fudge's new habit of smoking Muggle cigars and making Lucius play poker, and constantly referring to their jailer as "Murray."

6) Half-Blood Prince- I don’t know where exactly to go with six- certainly something that leaves Snape less trapped. I don't know- he tells Bellatrix to fuck off, Obliviates her sixteen ways from Sunday, then takes down Voldemort for the win; Order of the Phoenix burst in after the fact to find Snape and Narcissa gone, and a neat pile of Horcruxes and unconscious Death Eaters wrapped in synthesized spider’s web? Snape sneers at their incompetence from afar, as he and Narcissa plan their future, and decide what to do with Draco; Dumbledore and Snape are able to talk about the whole thing later while on vacation in the Caribbean, after Dumbledore apologizes for being such a tool, and Snape leaves him with the bar bill. Dumbledore later fakes his own death, just for the fun of it.

7) Deathly Hallows- I wouldn’t know where to begin, other than "...and then Hedwig's grandchild landed on Albus Severus's window ledge; he bore a note signed by Harry and Ginny, along with beakmarks from Hedwig."

(I still favor “Tonks and Remus wake up to discover they’re actually running an inn in Vermont; Lily and James are about to arrive for their reservation, while Assistant Minister in Charge of Potion Ingredient Quality Control Severus Snape sneers at them from his private residence, and constantly threatens them with eviction just for the spiteful fun of it," myself.)

(A more serious thought: if Snape had been one of the ghosts from the Resurrection Stone, what might he and Harry have had to say to one another?)

Comments

[arethinn]

3) Prisoner of Azkaban- Dumbledore manages to persuade Snape not to reveal Remus’s nature as a werewolf at the end of PoA, and Lupin stays on at Hogwarts as DADA teacher for the next four years.

This would also require "Tom Riddle never cursed the position in the first place" (which I know is not explicit, no-doubt canon, but is talked about there and frequently accepted).

5) Order of the Phoenix- With Remus ensconced as DADA teacher, Umbridge isn’t needed at Hogwarts.

Also with Fudge ensconced in Azkaban, who would think to send her there? (Who's Minister for Magic in this AU, by the by?)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

As far as #1- if Riddle could curse something as abstract as a position, why wouldn't he simply curse the Order of the Phoenix (granted that the way things went in Deathly Hallows, he may as well have)? I always figured it was simply crap luck for Hogwarts/Dumbledore, and good PR for Voldemort.

For #2- well, no one, for all that I always saw Umbridge as more of a self-starter who would simply shove papers under Fudge's nose to sign (at one point in OotP, she brags about having sent the dementors to Little Whinging without his knowledge). Hmm... with Crouch out of the running, and Scrimgeour presumably comfortable where he is, it would probably be Moody as Minister- in which case, the whole "Invasion of the Ministry" subplot would have been neatly curtailed.

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

I believe the correct phrase to use here is "For the Win."

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed :)