Crack!fic notions, Vol. III

[coyotegoth]

Draco Malfoy has grown bored with the shallowness of his existence as the scion of the Malfoy family, with its emphasis on material possessions; after a mysterious dragon dung bomb burns Malfoy Manor to the ground, he moves into an abandoned castle with fellow Hogwarts student Harry Potter. After a night of firewhiskey, Draco and Harry start a club dedicated to engaging in Muggle fisticuffs; it rapidly becomes a popular, although outlawed, practice. Draco meets Hermione, who then begins an affair with Harry, which causes Draco to suffer from insomnia. Draco and Harry then start "Project Mayhem," an anarchic group whose actions include painting a large smily face on Gringotts bank, randomly altering the enchantments of items for sale in Diagon Alley, and making explosive devices out of dragon dung. However, Draco comes to feel left out of Harry's activities with the project, and becomes disillusioned and disturbed about their actions. Harry and Draco have an argument about Project Mayhem's goals (and Harry's involvement with Hermione), and Harry disappears from Draco's life.

After Gregory Goyle dies during a Project Mayhem excursion, Draco starts looking for Harry. Draco awakens in a hotel room, and realizes that he has used lye to burn a lightning bolt-shaped scar into his forehead...

Comments

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

Um, I don't find it entirely reassuring that you changed the subject line between the time I originally saw this entry and I reloaded the friendspage.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Mwuhaha :)

[topknot.livejournal.com]

Heh.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

Squeeeee! OMG, icon love!

[topknot.livejournal.com]

*g* Why, thank you! Feel free to gank - I made it.

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

So. Freakin'. Awesome.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

:D

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

....Needs something. Not sure what.

Ooh, I know! Mystical martial artist masters who use magic! Draco can go train with the Chi Masters of Tibet or something!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Draco Malfoy, master of Kung Fu!

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

He tours the Far East learning magical fighting techniques, gets a dragon tattoo with mystical powers, and begins leading a double life: to the public he is Draco Malfoy the jaded playboy, but secretly he is also Dragon Fist, shadowy martial-arts warrior wizard, protecting England from crimes and terror perpetrated by gang lords and evil Asian overlords seeking dominion! (Look, I even got the racism in! And I resisted - ooh, still resisting but failing - the urge to spil in some Fu Manchu!)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Now, if Fu Manchu had three mystical objects he was seeking...

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

Fu was usually seeking at least one McGuffin per book.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

S'welp me, I want to start throwing Big Trouble in Little China references in here- although that may well prove that one spice too many...

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

...damn you, I now have Cho and Hermione running around in smeared red lipstick and Chinese bridal gowns, and being rather cranky about it. (Hermione not Ginny, because clearly Ron is Burton and Harry is Wang.)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Wow- Ron blasting his wand into the ceiling and knocking himself unconscious makes far too much sense. Dumbledore as Egg Chen?

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

"Black blood of the earth!" ...why, yes.

And Death Eater-Phoenix Order kung fu fighting.

...oh dear, this just makes *way* too much sense. Voldemort is immortal and thus can be run over by a truck but really wants to be made flesh, Gracie Law defending house-elves... Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle as THunder, Lightning etc...