Over the last few days...

[coyotegoth]

...I've written and deleted several posts that turned out to be enumerations of woes that don't particularly need recording- this muscle ache, that money problem- because in the end, they ebb and flow like the tide. Twelve years ago, I was scrubbing toilets for a living; I had become estranged from two of my closest friends (with whom I had dinner a few days ago), to the point of being asked to leave the place where I was living. The next year and a half was very much like a jigsaw puzzle strewn over the floor, in which I was attempting to put my life back together; despite my personal problems, those times had their definite high points (including meeting roadnotes, for which I remain grateful to this day). Since then, I've fought to make my life be what I want it to be- often not vociferously or constantly enough, but I have effected innumerable positive changes, through my own will. I returned to the career I preferred; I've done several incredibly demanding, rewarding multi-day bike rides; I've resumed taking pictures, and writing.

I've often wished that "simple" and "easy" were synonyms; that to frame the thought "I am making my life better, by dint of my effort" would be enough, and it would magically be better, like a snowball rolling itself up a hill. It isn't an easy process- it's a grueling fucking slog, far too easy to put to the side for one reason or another, is what it is- but through that effort, as with so many of you, my life is better. Sometimes, it's good to hold onto that.

Comments

[ubiq31.livejournal.com]

I love having my coffee-love, knowing that - to me - a cup of coffee turns my day around, if it needs turning around. It's usually very attainable...not always, though, and those are the hard days for me. I guess it's kind of a reminder that I can have a lot or I can have nothing in this world, but I can pretty much always bank on a cup of coffee.

I wish that attaining even a simple existence were easy...I'm glad your life is better and I wish I could've helped more every time it was needed (and gotten together this past weekend) but I'm glad for what we have managed to have so far and hope we can continue to do so :)

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Cheers :)

[silmaril.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how timely this little piece of yours was for me.

Maybe one day I will get to write something similar. But currently, I am still buffeted, and I can fight only in little ways. Which I do.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

I'm wishing you the best with that.

[ex-prynne.livejournal.com]

grueling fucking slog


My new favorite phrase.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Give a call sometime, OK?

oh wow

[soloadventure.livejournal.com]

i knew there was a reason I get you. Here's to some rest and reward for our labors, even it it's as simple as a fresh fruit salad and some clear water at the end of the day.

Re: oh wow

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Do you know, I did in fact have some fruit and a glass of cold water at the end of the day yesterday :) Hope all is well on your end.

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a tough twelve years - but what a lot of progress!

Here's to the next twelve!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Thank you- and to yours!