Over the last few days...

...I've written and deleted several posts that turned out to be enumerations of woes that don't particularly need recording- this muscle ache, that money problem- because in the end, they ebb and flow like the tide. Twelve years ago, I was scrubbing toilets for a living; I had become estranged from two of my closest friends (with whom I had dinner a few days ago), to the point of being asked to leave the place where I was living. The next year and a half was very much like a jigsaw puzzle strewn over the floor, in which I was attempting to put my life back together; despite my personal problems, those times had their definite high points (including meeting roadnotes, for which I remain grateful to this day). Since then, I've fought to make my life be what I want it to be- often not vociferously or constantly enough, but I have effected innumerable positive changes, through my own will. I returned to the career I preferred; I've done several incredibly demanding, rewarding multi-day bike rides; I've resumed taking pictures, and writing.

I've often wished that "simple" and "easy" were synonyms; that to frame the thought "I am making my life better, by dint of my effort" would be enough, and it would magically be better, like a snowball rolling itself up a hill. It isn't an easy process- it's a grueling fucking slog, far too easy to put to the side for one reason or another, is what it is- but through that effort, as with so many of you, my life is better. Sometimes, it's good to hold onto that.