more bullshit with Z

[coyotegoth]

Ever since I've lived at my current apartment, there's been static between Z and B, another apartment mate of mine. It takes on many forms: Z tends to be a selfish, petulant child when denied something; B can be extremely argumentative- but one of the main bones on contention has been the interactions between Tommi, Z's cat (a cat I love dearly), and B's various cats. Z has always resented the fact that B's cats hiss at Tommi when she enters the main room of the apartment, and complains about it unceasingly. Just lately, he's taken to leaving the apartment door open when his cat follows him in there... and then leaving it open once she leaves. This creates two problems: 1) APARTMENT DOOR IS OPEN. (It doesn't open onto the street, just to the building's hallway, but STILL.) 2) B's cats get the idea that it's OK to go wandering (they're not the sort of cats who will automatically come back home). We've had several increasingly heated arguments about this- the occasion where I threatened to punch him in the face (and I'm not usually violent, or given to extreme fits of anger) was simply the worst of the bunch.

At any rate... I come home, and the apartment door is open. Z isn't home; B is in Europe; I curse Z, and close the door. About half an hour later, our other apartment mate J knocks on my door, and tells me that she can't find Shyness, one of B's cats. We start looking; in the middle of this; Z comes home. I pointedly tell him that THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE DOOR IS LEFT OPEN. This degenerates into an argument; Z, a tall person much given to yelling temper tantrums when confronted, is soon looming in my face. This doesn't intimidate me; rather, it angers me to the point that I'm screaming back at him. It gets to the point where Z storms into this room- and I start smashing my fists against his door, hard enough to make me center panel visibly tremble in its frame (and severely bruise my hand). J finally gets me away from there (Z, wisely, is holding his door shut against me) by pointing out that 1) someone's going to call the cops soon, and 2) she's found Shyness. After much patient work on J's part, Shyness is lured back into the apartment, as I ice my hand.

I don't know; I'm a difficult person myself, and I try to put up with a lot of shit from people, but I have fucking HAD it with him. Although he can be extremely personally generous (and has spent a great deal of time and money fighting to keep Tommi alive from the cancer she's fighting), his selfish refusal to simply close a fucking door... GAAH.

(A brief digression: Z has been associated with the SCA in NYC for about 15 years now; he's wanted to become a knight, although his fighting skills (to a small degree) and the trepidation of the other knights of the NYC group (to a much grater degree) have prevented this. (His SCA name is "(name) the Optimistic"- a stroke of cruel brilliance on someone's part.) Long story short, when I decided fuck it, I AM going to Pennsic this year, Z very generously lent me camping gear and garb... and then blithely assured me that no, camping with Ostgardr wouldn't be a problem at all. In a brief moment of foolish optimism, I took him at his word... only to see the tent master at Ostgardr's campsite literally facepalm as I told him this (Z the Optimistic, indeed). Happily, it worked out; by the end of my brief stay, the tent master had made a specific point of repeatedly inviting me both to join the SCA, and to camp with Ostgardr next year. In all honesty, I could almost certainly become a knight fairly quickly- quicker than Z, certainly- and while I don't quite want to pout salt in his wounds in such a fashion, he does make it tempting sometimes.)

I tend to detest pettiness and malice in others, and to try to avoid them in myself; Z's selfishly endangering B's cats in such a fashion is pushing the anger buttons with me much more than I am comfortable with. I've already written and deleted several versions of an email in which I point this out, along with the simple fact that leaving out apartment door open is simply NOT A GOOD IDEA. Beyond that... it's really hard, living with someone for whom I am coming to feel such feeling of contempt.

Comments

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I'm having a difficult time parsing what is going on. Let me see if I've got this straight.

Your 2 roommates each have cats that don't get along.
You have a door that goes from your apartment unit (that is shared with several roommates) and the interior corridor of your apartment building.
Z walks out of that door, Z's cat follows him, and then he leaves the door open.

Do I have this right?

So then he goes out to go shopping or work or WHATEVER
and your apartment door is left open so cats can walk in and out in free will and anyone else with access to your building can enter your apartment?

[aiela.livejournal.com]

This right here would be what pissed me off, regardless of the cats. He just LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN? That's insane.

[roniliquidity.livejournal.com]

Yell at him for leaving the front door open? I'd probably set him on fire. That's totally unacceptable.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

Cat fuckery aside, OMG HE'S NOT A KNIGHT?

I really thought he was.

LOL OOPS.

And yes, the Ostgardr folk are very kind and generous, and from what I could tell, they were down a few numbers this year, so they likely had the space. That said, SURPRISE FRED (AND FRED'S TENT!) is not a pleasant thing for a land agent.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

BTW, I'm not unsympathetic to the cats.

My drama-meter is in the red after some shit with my household, so I'm going straight for the lulz.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Man, I hear that. My drama-meter condolences :(

[ubiq31.livejournal.com]

I really thought he was.

SRSLY?

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

Have you seen me at many Ostgardr heavy fighting gatherings?

(Besides the like...three I went to back in the Union Sq days?)

[ubiq31.livejournal.com]

...but still... ;)

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

Snrk, I guess I don't know if it's an esteem thing or a skills thing.

I'm guessing the former. Heh.

[ubiq31.livejournal.com]

There's a lot that goes into it...I don't think it's an esteem thing as much as it's a skills thing, which isn't as much as any other things it could be...

Some people were cut out to be knights, others can make it to be a knight...others...not so much.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

You are more charitable in your estimation than I...

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

INORITE :D

(Well, as Jill notes, she wasn't a hardcore SCAdian (not like I was, mind you) back in the day. For me, it would've been "He's been with the SCA, and fighting, for 16 years? He MUST be a knight by NOW...")

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

That's closer to my thought process. Thank you, Fred!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Quite welcome, kitten! :D (And as a note to Z- shit like this? Not at all knightly!)

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

Heh. Cat fuckery aside, he's not a knight?

Totally not surprised.

[4hour-ramona.livejournal.com]

doesn't leaving the door open also invite theft? like, of stuff and things?
ungh. i do not understand.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Believe me, as soon as I think I can write a coherent sentence, I'll be making that point to him...

[graene.livejournal.com]

This is the same guy who left town for several days with his cat behind his locked door and no pet-sitting arrangements, correct? Z the Optimistic indeed.

What's the process of getting rid of a roommate?

[wandereringray.livejournal.com]

Chainsaw, trashbag, shovel.

:D

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Don't tempt me

I mean, how could you even THINK such a thing? :D

[wandereringray.livejournal.com]

I'm a bad bad girl. :D

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

Neighbors can hear the chainsaw. Poison is nice and quiet.

second the poison

[soloadventure.livejournal.com]

could we modulate rat poison? Instead of forcing him out of the walls in search of water to die a lingering death, we'd have to make it force himself out of the apartment in search of libations

AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

but poison. yeah. I like that.

[wandereringray.livejournal.com]

I would be furious too. Willful disregard for not only the safety of a fellow roommate's cats, but everyone's property/well-being is grounds for an ass-beating in my book.

[cinema-babe.livejournal.com]

I've had roommates who thought that locks were optional, "But this is such a nice, safe neighborhood. What's the problem, I don't feel like digging for my key." Grrrr.

There are couple of ways I can think of but everyone would have to agree.

1. Have door leaving open roomie sign an agreement stating that s/he will be responsible for replacing anything that is lost, stolen or damaged as a result of the door being open with a brand new item of similar quality.

2. Set up a jar. Every time eh door gets left open, offending roommie has to put $5 or $10 in the jar (not enough to bankrupt but enough to smart)

3. If all else fails there is always duct tape, a hard boiled egg (or tangerine) and a ball peen hammer. But that's a last resort.

Good luck sorting this all out. I hope it gets resolved before someone or something gets hurt.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

I've had roommates who thought that locks were optional, "But this is such a nice, safe neighborhood.

Heh. Neither my husband nor I nor our roommate has locked the door to our house since we've lived here, except for occasional exceptional circumstances.

OTOH, I'm not disputing your comment. I'm just amused that we live in such different areas.

Er. What are the egg and/or tangerine for? Duct tape and hammer I'm thinking I get.

[cinema-babe.livejournal.com]

The neighborhood we wee living in *was* very nice, houses went from 500K to almost 1mil but there is no such place as somewhere where it's safe to leave your door open. Every time I here someone say "I can't believe it happened here in our town" I want to punch them. There's a reason why every town has (or shares) a policeforce.

The tangerine or hard boiled egg? They are just big enough to stop up a mouth to keep it a person from screaming but if doen right, they are pliable enough that they can still breathe.

Not that I would know that, I'm just guessing.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but they could bite through them under stress... or so I'm guessing.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

Heh, again. My town doesn't have a police force, at least not in my area; we're under the auspices of the County Sheriff.

It's not that theft doesn't happen in my area, it's that it's not the housebreaking type of theft. The last major burglary I'm aware of was when someone drove up to a trailer containing thousands of dollars worth of welding gear, hitched it to a truck, and drove away with it.

We don't leave the door open because we're certain it's safe; we leave it unlocked because we're rural enough that if someone wanted to break a window and get in, no neighbor would notice, and then we'd have a broken window as well as a burgled house to contend with.

[lazy-neutrino.livejournal.com]

I never even thought of the security issues people have mentioned in comments. Shows my priorities! :)

I'm astonished that he would endanger other people's cats when he clearly cares so much for his own.

[graene.livejournal.com]

My mom, who grew up four blocks from Yankee Stadium, would have whooped my rear and then set my dad on me if I ever left the house unlocked or a service person alone in it. I still compulsively check doors last thing at night, even having watched my spouse lock them less than five minutes before. I would be batshit after the second incident of the door left open with no one inside the main room. Our neighbors rarely locked doors when anyone was in the house where I grew up or where I live now, but we're talking city!

[gement.livejournal.com]

Oh my.

Having been on the other side of someone trying to pound down a door with their fists, this is not a good situation for anyone. I hope you find a safe resolution soon, preferably involving the removal of Mr. No Common Sense.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Yeah; needless to say, this is not generally my first line of approach. It's just... ten years of this, you know?

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's time for him to move on.

N.

[goffchick.livejournal.com]

Oh man, and that wordy anonymous comment that was just posted was me. Didn't notice LJ had logged me out on this computer. WHOOPS.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

WHO THE HELL LEAVES THE FRONT DOOR WIDE OPEN? What. What. I do not understand this AT ALL. It's insane.

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

Have you *met* the 'gentleman' in question?

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I kind of favour the idea of having him sign something that says he will replace anything that gets broken or stolen. Enforcing it might be difficult though.

Is this something you could get your landlord involved in? I wouldn't be surprised if a property owner would take a dim view of somebody leaving their rental property vulnerable to damage by anybody who just happens to be passing through.

[fauxfire76.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if a property owner would take a dim view of somebody leaving their rental property vulnerable to damage by anybody who just happens to be passing through

Quoting for emphasis and to second this idea wholeheartedly.

In the meantime, dancing fox icon just because.

[feyandstrange.livejournal.com]

... Selling their stuff on Ebay makes up for a lot.

"Oh noes! Z, did you leave the door open again? Somebody must have robbed us! It's a good thing that the other roomies and I had already put locks on our bedrooms, but the thieves have clearly cleaned out yours! Good thing the cats are okay."

But yeah, cruelty to animals? Looking to get punched.

On a related note, I really don't recommend punching paneled doors. I punched one in anger once, and it turned out that the door in question was - srsly - a GLASS panel door that had been painted over a bunch of times. Fortunately several layers of Landlord Dirtywhite Paint kept the plate glass from seriously damaging my hand, but it was a hell of an end to the argument. "Um... sorry to do this when we're fighting, but I just put my hand through glass and I'm barefoot. Help?"

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

re: selling stuff on eBay

IAWTS.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

You know, I've lived in the same building since I was a little girl. The apartments are all owned, we all know our neighbors, and we have a really vigilant set of doormen. My mother and I pretty much always keep the doors unlocked when we are home, and occasionally if I need a cross breeze I'll prop my door open a bit. IF I AM HOME.

I'll even go down to the store with my door unlocked, or down to the basement to do laundry, with the door unlocked.

But not OPEN. And ever since Jaeger learned to walk, I do not leave the door open - not even for a cross breeze.

When Buster was alive, I'd let him into the hall because he was such an old man & a home body, and I knew he'd come back. But not with other people's pets. Not even when I have had roomates.

This is not a difficult concept.

Between all this and the whole thing about leaving his cat locked in his room, I think you guys should ask him to move out. This is not a sustainable situation, and as far as a I can tell, y'all have been putting up with his bullshit for far too long.

N.

[yendi]

Gah.

I can't imagine how I'd have reacted if I were in your shoes, but I suspect it would have been a similar reaction.

[elionwyr.livejournal.com]

Ok, so snarky attitude aside..

1. very sorry for not seeing all of this sooner
2. I can't actually imagine how stressed you are if your reaction was that violent, as I can't actually imagine you getting that angry.
3. You're a saint for not killing him by now.

I hope you're in a MUCH MUCH better place now - nearly a month later - and oh honey, I'm so sorry this has been in your home. You deserve better. May you get it. **hug**