oh, Craigslist...
Dec. 4th, 2008 01:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coyotegothBy way of the Well-a NSFW Harry Potter-themed Craigslist ad that I was just specifically asked to forward from one person on my flist to another who person #1 already knows, because... perhaps because it's Thursday.
Something from The Well, which has already been removed from craigslist:
obsess 484: obsessed with craig's list postings
#326 of 331: trailer ball nut wrenches (jleft) Wed 03 Dec 2008 (12:08 PM)
<http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/941491075.html>
Don't Let the Muggles Know! - w4mm - 30 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-941491075@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-02, 12:27AM EST
I am a lonely, beautiful woman living alone with my cat, Mrs. Norris. I work
as a janitor. You will refer to me as Filch.
I need at least 5 men. You will arrive at my apartment. There will be a
picture of a fat lady on the door, and you will tell her the pre-arranged
password. You will be dressed based on your character. The characters I need
are listed below.
Harry Potter: You must be barely legal, and arrive with your firebolt ready
for the best game of quidditch you'll ever play.
Ron Weasley: You absolutely must have red hair and freckles. You must show
up with firewhiskey.
Draco Malfoy: Blonde. Be able to cry on demand.
Remus Lupin: You will alternate between wolf and man. Howl, baby, howl!
Albus Dumbledore: You must be a proud gay man ready to penetrate every other
man present You must have a beard and wear a wizard's hat and half-moon
spectacles.
As you arrive, I shall chain you to the walls of my apartment, which I will
have converted into a dungeon. Mrs. Norris shall excite you all into the
most aroused state you've ever experienced (I've trained her well, so don't
worry--if she fails to tickle your pickle, though, I've got a few tricks up
my sleeve--engorgio, anyone?).
After I punish you all for being out after curfew, and take a few house
points, Harry will escape, grab me around the waist, and begin sodomizing
me. With each stroke, he will yell out one of the wrongs I have committed
against him (example: "and THIS is for helping Umbridge"). After we've both
come harder than Hagrid in heat, Ron and Draco will escape.
Ron will beat Draco with a broomstick I'll provide. Then, he will penetrate
the Slytherin with the Cleansweep, who will, at this point, be crying about
how his dad's in Azkaban.
Lupin will escape as he "transforms" into a wolf. He forgot his wolfsbane
potion tonight! He will have his way with whatever his wolfy instincts
demand!
I will then pleasure Ron. With my dirty squib mouth.
Finally, Dumbledore will escape and exact his right as Headmaster of
Hogwarts.
Then, firewhiskey all around!
Who knows what else the night will bring...
---
Please send pictures, preferably in costume. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan,
and I've been haunted by this fantasy since PoA came out (the book, of
course). Please please please help me to realize it!
Also, if you know any submissive small men, we might add a Dobby to the fun.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 941491075
Something from The Well, which has already been removed from craigslist:
obsess 484: obsessed with craig's list postings
#326 of 331: trailer ball nut wrenches (jleft) Wed 03 Dec 2008 (12:08 PM)
<http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/cas/941491075.html>
Don't Let the Muggles Know! - w4mm - 30 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-941491075@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-02, 12:27AM EST
I am a lonely, beautiful woman living alone with my cat, Mrs. Norris. I work
as a janitor. You will refer to me as Filch.
I need at least 5 men. You will arrive at my apartment. There will be a
picture of a fat lady on the door, and you will tell her the pre-arranged
password. You will be dressed based on your character. The characters I need
are listed below.
Harry Potter: You must be barely legal, and arrive with your firebolt ready
for the best game of quidditch you'll ever play.
Ron Weasley: You absolutely must have red hair and freckles. You must show
up with firewhiskey.
Draco Malfoy: Blonde. Be able to cry on demand.
Remus Lupin: You will alternate between wolf and man. Howl, baby, howl!
Albus Dumbledore: You must be a proud gay man ready to penetrate every other
man present You must have a beard and wear a wizard's hat and half-moon
spectacles.
As you arrive, I shall chain you to the walls of my apartment, which I will
have converted into a dungeon. Mrs. Norris shall excite you all into the
most aroused state you've ever experienced (I've trained her well, so don't
worry--if she fails to tickle your pickle, though, I've got a few tricks up
my sleeve--engorgio, anyone?).
After I punish you all for being out after curfew, and take a few house
points, Harry will escape, grab me around the waist, and begin sodomizing
me. With each stroke, he will yell out one of the wrongs I have committed
against him (example: "and THIS is for helping Umbridge"). After we've both
come harder than Hagrid in heat, Ron and Draco will escape.
Ron will beat Draco with a broomstick I'll provide. Then, he will penetrate
the Slytherin with the Cleansweep, who will, at this point, be crying about
how his dad's in Azkaban.
Lupin will escape as he "transforms" into a wolf. He forgot his wolfsbane
potion tonight! He will have his way with whatever his wolfy instincts
demand!
I will then pleasure Ron. With my dirty squib mouth.
Finally, Dumbledore will escape and exact his right as Headmaster of
Hogwarts.
Then, firewhiskey all around!
Who knows what else the night will bring...
---
Please send pictures, preferably in costume. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan,
and I've been haunted by this fantasy since PoA came out (the book, of
course). Please please please help me to realize it!
Also, if you know any submissive small men, we might add a Dobby to the fun.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 941491075
