The worst news

roadnotes is reaching the end with her cancer. It's begun to be posted about elsewhere publicly; the latest email from Soren included a request to spread the news; he also writes "The palliative doctor told us he can't recommend her going home she's too weak everyday weaker and weaker unfortunately I kind of agree. Still not eating now she's not drinking either. Maybe few days or few weeks."

I cannot imagine what he and her other loved ones are going through; I cannot imagine my world without her in it.

(no subject)

I suppose life is fair, but only from a very, very wide viewpoint. Up close and personal, a lot of it simply hurts. (I've often thought that one of the most implicitly cruel parts of the Bible is that God has no peer- no chance to share His burdens with someone else.) When my friend Bobbi was dying, her now-widower's mother (who was also dying, although I didn't know it then) and I talked about how it's impossible to see the tapestry's pattern, when you're a fiber of one strand, but that doesn't mean there isn't one. I feel it sometimes, when I look at the sea, or when I write, or truly connect with another person; like an emotion, or a memory, or a subvocalized tone. They say shared pain is lessened; for the sake of all concerned, I dearly hope so.

See also Lou Reed's "Magician," etc.

This is a brilliant song, although right now, I feel as though it should come with a trigger warning.

(no subject)

Last night: spent with dear friends, who were endlessly supportive of stress-laden me. Not much sleeping, but that seems understandable; mostly thinking that at least there are words for how I'm feeling- as opposed to, say, what Soren is going through. Pleasant conversation; music; a delicious cheeseburger with some of the best bacon-on-a-cheeseburger I've ever tasted. Today: helped my friend take her spare wheelchair out to Fort Mason for a NERT demo; gorgeous, gorgeous view of the Golden Gate Bridge. (Had originally planned to stay and be made up as a disaster victim; alas, insomnia had other ideas.) Met someone with a very affectionate dog en route out of the park; rode a streetcar back down to the Embarcadero; home, and sleep.

(no subject)

Last night: spent with dear friends, who were endlessly supportive of stress-laden me. Not much sleeping, but that seems understandable; mostly thinking that at least there are words for how I'm feeling- as opposed to, say, what Soren is going through. Pleasant conversation; music; a delicious cheeseburger with some of the best bacon-on-a-cheeseburger I've ever tasted. Today: helped my friend take her spare wheelchair out to Fort Mason for a NERT demo; gorgeous, gorgeous view of the Golden Gate Bridge. (Had originally planned to stay and be made up as a disaster victim; alas, insomnia had other ideas.) Met someone with a very affectionate dog en route out of the park; rode a streetcar back down to the Embarcadero; home, and sleep.