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On and off since I was a teenager, I've had a problem with SAD- seasonal affective disorder. Essentially, this meets that during the winter, when I'm not getting enough sunlight, I react by becoming somewhat depressed- fairly standard stuff. I used to treat it with a lightbox, which simulates the wavelength of natural sunlight sufficiently to keep the symptoms at bay. For the last several years, the symptoms have been in remission of a sort; accordingly, when my lightbox broke, I didn't bother replacing it.
For whatever reason, it's been particularly rough since the turn of the year- not in any melodramatic way, but enough to noticeably affect my energy and my ability to get things done. I've been waking up at around three in the afternoon most days (obviously not the best thing, when one is dealing with a lack of sunshine); I've been to the gym exactly once since the turn of the year; my various writing projects are stagnant at the moment.
I don't like feeling this way, even a little; I detest the way my enthusiasm seems to be draining out of me. This isn't a critical-level depression, by any means; it's enough to remind me of darker times, though, and I hate that. Hate it. I'm going to get back on track with the exercise program- exercise always helps my moods (I wish the early mildness of this winter had continued; I'd simply go bike riding). I'm going to make myself spend time every day on my writing- even if I'm not producing copy, there's always research/backstory/plot noodling to be done. As I write this, I'm singing along with "Drift Away"; it seems to fit my voice fairly well (although I have to fight not to go flat on, or otherwise force, the higher notes), and the simple act of doing it seems to help my mood. (I'll always wish I had a better memory for lyrics.)
(And now, I'm listening to the Joan Armatrading album, inspired by a friend who does songs of hers at piano bar, with a general air of "How did I manage to miss this for so long? An amber honey voice, and smoky poetry, backed up by Glyn Johns' usual producing magic. A digression, perhaps, but this music deserves a digression or two.)
(Also, a Blue Velvet DVD came in the mail today, along with the Armatrading CD; it's been at least fifteen years since I've seen the film, and I'll be curious to see how I react to it now, having seen a bit more of life than I had the last time around.)
So, yeah; this is simply a case of, "I have to work a little harder then I generally enjoy, in order to be where I want to be." Not really a new concept, that.
For whatever reason, it's been particularly rough since the turn of the year- not in any melodramatic way, but enough to noticeably affect my energy and my ability to get things done. I've been waking up at around three in the afternoon most days (obviously not the best thing, when one is dealing with a lack of sunshine); I've been to the gym exactly once since the turn of the year; my various writing projects are stagnant at the moment.
I don't like feeling this way, even a little; I detest the way my enthusiasm seems to be draining out of me. This isn't a critical-level depression, by any means; it's enough to remind me of darker times, though, and I hate that. Hate it. I'm going to get back on track with the exercise program- exercise always helps my moods (I wish the early mildness of this winter had continued; I'd simply go bike riding). I'm going to make myself spend time every day on my writing- even if I'm not producing copy, there's always research/backstory/plot noodling to be done. As I write this, I'm singing along with "Drift Away"; it seems to fit my voice fairly well (although I have to fight not to go flat on, or otherwise force, the higher notes), and the simple act of doing it seems to help my mood. (I'll always wish I had a better memory for lyrics.)
(And now, I'm listening to the Joan Armatrading album, inspired by a friend who does songs of hers at piano bar, with a general air of "How did I manage to miss this for so long? An amber honey voice, and smoky poetry, backed up by Glyn Johns' usual producing magic. A digression, perhaps, but this music deserves a digression or two.)
(Also, a Blue Velvet DVD came in the mail today, along with the Armatrading CD; it's been at least fifteen years since I've seen the film, and I'll be curious to see how I react to it now, having seen a bit more of life than I had the last time around.)
So, yeah; this is simply a case of, "I have to work a little harder then I generally enjoy, in order to be where I want to be." Not really a new concept, that.
