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Unasked-for personal revelation, #532
Nov. 20th, 2001 04:34 pmSo... my Mom and I have always had a... tense... relationship. Not bad, mind you- just tense. At first I was gonna unwind one of my patented screen- filling screeds on the subject, but let's leave it at this: before September 11th, she was easily the most stress- inducing factor in my life. Now, mind you- that doesn't mean I hate her or anything... I made sure that she was at my college graduation, and every picture of the four members of my family taken in the last twenty years has been at my insistence, but... well, yeah; tense. As I whined about in a previous post (which I'm feeling too lazy to link), I was supposed to go see her back in August, but stress and C7 burnout (ironic, since I never made it to a single event) laid me low- it's never been good when I have too long to think these things over; probably the best visit I've had with her was when I called on impulse from Penn Station and asked if she'd like a visit.
Sooooooo... I was originally going to be seeing Dad up North for T-day. We're meeting with Sarah in Mass. for X-mas; a fine Smith family gathering. Thing is- a combination of wracking back pain and a drive-by ulcer (it's in all the textbooks, trust me) left me thinking about stress in my life, and how much I've been blocking things out just to get through another day in NYC- selling the birthright for a mess of pottage, and all that. I started really mulling over various things- and what a roller coaster ride THAT was- and, of course, I came to Mom. Realized, belatedly, how much she doesn't want to be the locus of stress in my life... how much I owe her... how much I love her. It's been a hard family life, but I suppose most of them are, in different ways. Long story short, I'm heading out there for Turkey day, and we'll watch Harry Potter (second time for me), and talk stuff over, and hug.
...this has either been the best idea of my life, or the worst... but, both back and tummy are mending speedily. (maybe it was quitting coffee :P) As always, wish me luck.
Sooooooo... I was originally going to be seeing Dad up North for T-day. We're meeting with Sarah in Mass. for X-mas; a fine Smith family gathering. Thing is- a combination of wracking back pain and a drive-by ulcer (it's in all the textbooks, trust me) left me thinking about stress in my life, and how much I've been blocking things out just to get through another day in NYC- selling the birthright for a mess of pottage, and all that. I started really mulling over various things- and what a roller coaster ride THAT was- and, of course, I came to Mom. Realized, belatedly, how much she doesn't want to be the locus of stress in my life... how much I owe her... how much I love her. It's been a hard family life, but I suppose most of them are, in different ways. Long story short, I'm heading out there for Turkey day, and we'll watch Harry Potter (second time for me), and talk stuff over, and hug.
...this has either been the best idea of my life, or the worst... but, both back and tummy are mending speedily. (maybe it was quitting coffee :P) As always, wish me luck.
